They say life mimic art. Well, what happens when life mimics disaster movies? Well then, we are all screwed. Thanks to such terrible movies as The Core, Dante’s Peak, Volcano, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012, Earthquake, Avalanche, Deep Impact, Hard Rain, Waterworld, Twister, Signs, Quarantine, War of the Worlds, etc…the human race can be exterminated by all sorts of terrible calamities. These include the premise of all of those movie ranging from global warming, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, volcanoes, meteors, aliens, and epidemics. We are all screwed. Couple that with man-made disasters such as nuclear holocaust or a man-made virus such as AIDS or H1N1 (swine flu for the lay person) we don’t stand a chance.
You want more examples of how Hollywood is ruining life as we know it? There was a volcano that just erupted in Iceland. Granted it didn’t erupt in Los Angeles, it still erupted. The earthquakes in Haiti and Chile that killed thousands are all thanks to such notable movies as Earthquake and The Core. Let’s not forget the massive snowstorms on the East Coast, that is a direct result of Roland Emmerich and The Day After Tomorrow. The list goes on.
My only hope is that John Cusack still saves the day whilst wearing a tie, or Kevin Costner grows fins to swim around and stuff, or Tommy Lee Jones saving people while a building falls on him. These remarkable people will save the human race. Oh and lets not forget about Tom Cruise. Thank you Tom Cruise for saving Dakota Fanning.
So, to put a finer point on the matter, do we need more disaster movies? The answer is both yes and no. We need them to create heroes to save our society, just as long as they are terrible actors who run around like idiots. We need them to create hope in a society where so much chaos surrounds us. And no, we don’t need anymore terrible movies like the ones listed above. I want to make a disaster movie where Chuck Norris is the star. A disaster movie where there is no disaster because Chuck Norris won’t let there be a disaster. If it gets cold, Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick old father winter. If there is a volcano crisis, Chuck Norris would judo pee into the caldera. If there are meteors coming towards Earth, Chuck Norris would ninja fart them back to Jupiter. If there is a nuclear holocaust, Chuck Norris would eat the atomic bombs for breakfast with his eggs, just because he likes them spicy. And if there is another disaster flick without Chuck Norris in it, he will karate chop Roland Emmerich’s face into little pieces of flesh and use those little pieces of flesh to feed the hungry.
This message is Chuck Norris approved by the Chuck Norris for President Super Friends Club of Carlisle, Iowa.
Horty!
